Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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