CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
