I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
