If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
