I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
