You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
