And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
