i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
