we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
