He is an equal opportunity slut.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
