Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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