After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
