2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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