im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
