Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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