I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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