he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
