At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
