yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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