Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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