hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
