Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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