so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
