She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
