so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
