You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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