the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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