some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
