11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
