all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
