hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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