I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
