Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
