It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
