he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
