Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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