Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
