i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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