he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How does one acquire holy water?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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