You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
