in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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