so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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