Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
