Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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