too bad you live with your parents still
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
