Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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