I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
