My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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