I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize