and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
