so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
