My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
