U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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