Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
