my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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