I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
