so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
