Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize