he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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