i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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