she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
