mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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