I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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