He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
