My brain says no but my pants say off.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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