I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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