I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize