ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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