I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
