I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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