i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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