Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
