the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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