the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
